The Cognizance Coalition
by AbitheWitch88
Summary: Set during 'The Engagement Reaction'. Sheldon is confined to a hospital isolation room and along comes a nurse who seems to understand him and to help during his time of crisis. Sheldon/OC
1. Chapter 1

'Damn Howards mother' Sheldon thought as he lay in the hospital bed, he had been in direct contact with another Patient who had been diagnosed with Pneumonic plague, luckily Sheldon was treated instantly with antibiotics.

He lay in that room, waiting for another dose of chloramphenicol. his group of friends had just left, they hadn't helped at all, they had pretended to be storm troopers in their contamination suits and Raj had made a bad taste joke regarding his likeness to a rotting zombie card from mystic warlords of Qua.

Sheldon was writing on his laptop when the nurse entered the room,

"Hello Dr Cooper, my name is Rowan, may I check your pulse and chest? the Dr has prescribed some Beta Blockers for your heart rate." she asked.

"Yes, yes by all means" he replied, not even looking up from his computer.

he felt her warm hands take down his gown, she placed the Stethoscope on his chest and watched her fob watch.

Sheldon was taken aback by the coldness of the medical instrument on his skin, he looked up and saw her standing there, she was in a contamination suit but he could see her key features.

She was tall, fair skinned, black haired and had bright blue eyes, Sheldon considered for a moment if these were colored contact lenses, he leaned in a little, hoping to answer his own question when she backed away.

"Your chest sounds clear and your pulse is fine, here you go" she said, handing over a small wax paper cup with some tablets in.

"Thank you" Sheldon said moving his laptop out of the way and placing it on the wheeled table next to his bed.

Rowan handed his a glass of water and he took the medication he had been prescribed. he just anted to get out of this germ infested building.

"You're nearly there, just a couple of more days in here and you'll be out" Rowan remarked.

"You are very good at reading emotion, how did you do that?" Sheldon asked her.

"Well, you kind of have to be able to notice the small seemingly innocent things in this profession, for example, you took the medications without asking what they were implying that you just wanted to get better and on your laptop I can see your blog that reads, 'get me out of here oh deity I can't take it anymore'." She joked,

Sheldon looked over at his laptop and it was true, he had left his blog page open.

"I don't like hospitals" Sheldon remarked, he told her about the other times he had been admitted, when he was young he had badly burnt from a CAT scanner he had built.

"I was wondering what that scar was on your back, I noticed it when taking your gown down" she said

"Hmm, yes, it goes down both of my shoulders, thats why I wear long sleeved tops under t shirts, If I just wore t shirts then the scars would be noticeable." Sheldon explained.

"It must of been hard, have you thought about skin graphs?" she asked.

"Thats what they look like after skin graphs" he replied, they weren't attractive at all, the plastic surgeon back in Texas had done his best though, it was all down his back and arms, it was so painful when it happened, he had also lost lots of blood, thats why he was taken by helicopter.

that was the last time he was admitted to hospital, this time wasn't fun either.

Sheldon explained that he had a germ phobia, it was normal for him to avoid contact with others and this was his worst fear, that he would end up with a life threatening illness.

"Well, look on the bright side, you'll be home in a few days and you got treatment quickly, why did you go into the patients room anyway, didn't you notice the signs on the door?" Rowan asked him, he explained that he backed into the room trying to avoid a patient on a stretcher who was coughing.

"ok, so you were moving away from a patient with a cold and ended up in a room with a patient with the Plague?" she asked, just making sure she had got it right.

"Yes, it's all a bit silly now isn't it" he replied.

"Have you ever thought that you have OCD?" Rowan asked him,

"I have"

"And, you display all of the normal characteristics, the obsession with germs, your bedsheets are all straight even though your in bed, it says on your blog that tonight is new comic book day and Halo night, apparently it's also creamy tomato soup day and 'Leonard better not be sitting in my spot'" she remarked.

"So, I Have a routine, I stick to it, we live in a world of chaos, I like the fact that my days are planned out, that way there aren't any surprises." Sheldon explained.

"I won't deny, routines are great, they obviously mean a great deal to you, but have you considered how you would feel if it escalated, I have heard of people who do have OCD and won't enter or leave a building until certain times, even if the building is on fire, thats what it does, it gets into your head and you can't stop it, at least with treatment such as CBT it could help you." she told him.

"You seem to know a great deal about this for a nurse" Sheldon remarked, a little bit sly,

"I feel that when one is diagnosed with something it's best to know all about it" Rowan said, checking her watch and leaving the room.

Sheldon got the hint, she was trying to help him because she had the disorder herself.

Two hours later Sheldon was picking at the food on his tray, it was a vile shade of white, green and grey, trying to pass itself off a appetizing. Sheldon couldn't bring himself to eat it, he pushed it away and returning to his laptop, he needed some form of entertainment to take his mind off of hunger.

Rowan walked in, again she wore her contamination suit, this time instead of medication she as holding a large flask.

"Apparently Soup plantation have this really strange man coming to see them every Wednesday at the same time and he always orders the same thing" she said

"Creamy Tomato soup!" Sheldon exclaimed, hoping beyond hope that that was the contents of the metal container in her hand.

She handed it to him, he treated it as if it contained liquid gold, to him it practically was.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note, this is an idea I loosely got from watching Monk and my own personal experience, I thought it would be interesting to explore, I do not own TBBT or Monk.

Please let me know your thoughts, all reviews are welcomed with open arms.

Rowan entered the hospital room, yet again she was in the suit that resembled a giant condom, it was for her protection after all.

Sheldon wouldn't be here for long now, tomorrow was his last day under isolation.

"How are you feeling today Dr Cooper?" she asked the man in the bed, he was laying down, half asleep.

"As much as I have earnt that title you have assisted me to bathe, the least you can do is address me by my first name" he replied. he had enjoyed his wash, the plague had knocked him for six and he was exhausted, it had gotten worse and wasn't responding to the antibiotics, Rowan had informed the doctor of this and so his medication was changed to a more appropriate dosage.

"Handing you a washcloth doesn't really count does it?" she asked.

"Why have you been here practically three days straight, don't you ever need sleep?" he asked her, he thought back, other that the Doctor the only person he had contact with from the hospital was Rowan, he couldn't complain though, she had stayed with him when she was on break the previous day and they discussed the fathers of modern medicine.

"I work crazy shifts, I live in the residences next to the hospital so I'm close by, I'd rather be here than on my own" she explained.

"well thats stupid, I myself would much rather be left alone, I enjoy the peace and quiet so I can allow my brain to function at it's maximum capacity so it reaches it's fullest potential" he told her in his matter of fact way.

'This is why the other nurses wont come in here' she thought.

"I need to do your observations, may I do your blood pressure?" she asked him

"Yes, yes, do as you wish, I don't have anything else to do do I?" he said exasperated.

Rowan reached and got the sphygmomanometer and spo2 reader, she took his temperature and she counted his breaths for one minute.

As she pressed the button to take his blood pressure she said; "you could look at this as an opportunity, your vitals are all fine, you have survived a deadly disease yet you are alive, maybe from now on you may not be so worried about contracting illnesses."

"Thats a notable suggestion but the only reason I am alive is because I sought immediate treatment, should I have been shopping for groceries I may not be alive." he told her.

"Granted but lets explore post hoc ergo propter hoc, you were avoiding illness, in this case a coughing patient, yet that action alone caused you to become ill with something worse than a cold. your worry of illness consumed you to such an extent that it caused you to take no notice of the large biohazard do not enter sign on the door you were walking through" she responded

"If we are inspecting post hoc ergo propter hoc then we could argue that as I was in a hospital I became ill" he suggested, he was clutching at straws now, he was desperate, she was right, although he could never admit it.

"I reject your premise and I think you do too" she offered, she had met too many liars in her life to know one when she saw one. He was so transparent.

"How have you been feeling today anyway?" she asked.

"Lethargic, my bowels have been functioning normally, my temperature is on the high side and I have only been able to keep down the soup you brought me" he replied.

"Well it does help if you at least try to eat the food here" she said. he had only eaten the food she brought him.

"The food here looks revolting, I have meals that I eat on certain days and such changes make my stomach churn" he replied.

"So what do you eat on a Thursday?" she asked

"I order pizza from from Giacomo's, I have it with sausage, mushrooms, and light olives." he answered.

"I will make a deal with you, I will get you the pizza if you agree to a cognitive behavioral therapy session when your medically fit" she offered, it was a deal breaker.

"Deal, just be aware that it is in my nature to be difficult, I can sit in a room for hours and speak only in Klingon" he told her, he felt she should be warned.

Rowan checked her watch and left the room, she needed her patient to eat, and after all, she spoke fluent klingon so she had nothing to loose.

she returned an hour later with her patients medication and a pizza, exactly as he had requested, the Pizza place knew Sheldon too, they made it to his specifications, in fact it was already there when she arrived, waiting for her, they told her Sheldon informed them if he was leaving town so they just make it knowing that he would collect it unless he told them otherwise.

Sheldon was pleased to see her, he wasn't sure if it was because he was bored and needed entertainment or if it was the fact she had brought food.

"Thank you, I would offer you a slice but your in that ridiculous outfit"he said, she appreciated the sentiment all the same.

"Thanks, I wont be needing it tomorrow, your being released from your imprisonment, I guess you impressed the parole board" she said in jest, earning her a puzzled look.

"Anyway, you have an appointment with Dr Shore tomorrow afternoon, he is the best psychiatrist in California, he has agreed to see you, is it ok if I come along? after all, I asked and he doesn't speak Klingon" she asked him.

"A deal is a deal, Mary Cooper taught her children to respect any oaths they make and I shall not be an exception, your presence there will be appreciated as personally I feel you need to see him more than I" he told her.

"Oh gee, thanks, It's a bit rich thought, coming from a man with a routine so well kept that even his soup and pizza maker knows it." she threw back, partly offended, leaving the room.

the next day Rowan returned, she no longer had to wear the suit so she entered the room in her scrubs,

"You ready Hun?" she asked him, he had changed into his cargo pants and green lantern t shirt, he greeted her and they walked to the psychiatric department of Huntington Memorial Hospital.

they walked into the office of Dr Shore, his attributes and certificates adorned the walls of the large room, it didn't look like a normal room in a hospital, it had a red carpet, cream walls, a large soft leather couch, a small chair in front of his desk and a large armchair near the window that looked out onto the city of Pasadena.

"Good afternoon Dr Cooper, I am Dr Shore, I understand you have been asked to see me by my colleague nurse Rowan, would you like to take a seat?" he said, taking a seat himself behind his large oak desk.

"Oh, I can assure you it's not that easy, I shall establish an appropriate place to sit, you just carry on, the sooner we finish this nonsense the better.," Sheldon remarked, taking a seat in the chair by the window,

"Oh no! far too much direct sunlight, I'll roast," he said, moving to the chair directly in front of the desk.

"This is far too personal, I feel like I should be asking you about interest rates and whether or not to take out a mortgage" he remarked, Rowan had already seated herself down on the couch, on the left hand side, Sheldon sat on the far right side, all the while Dr Shore was making notes in his folder.

"Hmm, no that wont do either," he said, having to turn in order to see everyone,

"Is it too salty?" asked Rowan, referring to Goldilocks and the three bears, earning her a glare from the man sitting next to her.

"Can we switch places?" he asked.

"Sure, you clean bedpans all day and I'll stare at the sky and doodle on a white board" she remarked, enjoying the friendly banter. she knew what he meant and eventually traded places with him.

"Right, this is perfect, not too much sunlight yet no draft, I don't have to turn my head to see you both and there is an appropriate distance between us all. Dr Shore, please start and let it be noted, I don't like having my time wasted." Sheldon said, he now got an amused look from Rowan and Dr Shore just stared.

"Right, Dr Cooper, why don't you tell me about your normal habits, any routines or compulsions you may have?" Dr Shore asked.

"Oh this is ridiculous, you want to pick apart my life and diagnose me with a disorder or two just to make me out to be another statistic, why cant people just be appreciated without being labeled?" Sheldon said, maybe a little bit more forceful than what was necessary but he felt it to be true.

"Dr Cooper, I diagnosed you within three minutes of you entering this room, you clearly show signs of Obsessive compulsive disorder" Dr Shore offered.

"Well, if thats your opinion then I shall take my leave now naDevvo' yIghoS!" Sheldon said in a raised voice, Rowan picked up her satchel and started walking out, she turned to Dr Shore and told him, "By the way, naDevvo' yIghoS means 'leave me alone'"

Rowan had already discharged Sheldon, there was nothing she could do, her plan was to drop by his apartment now her shift was over, he should be home by now, he left Dr Shores office three hours ago in his rage.

She walked up to the main entrance, Sheldon was sitting there, on the floor near the exit, he looked really glum , his head was between his arms which were holding his legs, Rowan sat down next to him,

"Hey, I was gonna come and see you, why are you still here?" she asked, her voice was soft and caring.

"I can't leave." he stated.

"What do you mean you cant leave? you were discharged, we cant keep you here against your will." she said, worried.

"No, I cant physically leave, I walked outside and ran back in, I couldn't take it" he told her, she saw his face for the fist time, his eyes were watery, his cheeks and t shirt stained, he had been trapped here for hours.

"Ok, lets go back to Dr Shore, maybe he can help." she said, helping him up and taking him back to the psychiatric unit.

Rowan explained the situation, Sheldon just sat in his spot on the couch, his face was pale and his eyes were red.

"Why are you afraid to go outside Sheldon?" Dr Shore asked.

"Germs, people, everywhere, there all contaminated, got scared." he said, his voice sounded hoarse, Rowan got him some water from the machine.

"What would help you do you think? what if someone were there to tell you when things were safe" the Dr asked him,

"I can try it" Sheldon offered, Dr Shore asked Rowan to step outside with him, they left Sheldon in his spot, sipping from a paper cup. They returned to the room fifteen minutes later, Dr Shore went to his phone and tapped in a telephone number.

Rowan sat back next to Sheldon on the couch,

"I'm going to stay with you for a while, if it's ok with you I can sleep on your couch and help you during the day." she asked him, hoping he would accept her offer.

"Do I have any choice?" Sheldon asked her, he liked her but he thought a nurse by his side 24/7 would be rather odd.

"It's that or you will be admitted to the psych ward, you will be here for a long time." she told him, she was practically begging him to let her help him.

"What about your job, aren't you needed here?" Sheldon asked, he couldn't afford a full time nurse, as pleasing as the thought was.

"Dr Shore is talking to my boss, he wants to grant me a community nursing contract, it will mean that I get my full salary but I will be looking after you instead of a ward, it's better for the hospital aswell as community nurses cost twice my salary and it will be most beneficial to you, Sheldon you have to let me do this, I understand what you're going through, I can help you beat this" She pleaded.

"Ok" Sheldon said, she genuinely cared.


	3. Chapter 3

Rowan and Sheldon were standing inside the exit of Huntington General Hospital, Rowan lived in the residences so she had left Sheldon with Dr Shore whilst she collected some clothes and basic supplies. She and Sheldon stood there, he looked as though the doors would swallow him whole.

"You trusted me with you recovery Sheldon, I need you to trust me again, we are going to take this really slowly, don't think of other people, pretend they are not there." she told him, taking his hand and pushing the door open.

She could feel his palm moistening, his breaths quickened, she could see his pulse was raising by watching his neck.

"Take it easy, there is nothing to harm you, just keep moving your legs, focus on that and nothing else." she suggested.

He let go of her hand when he felt the air rush at him, there was someone sneezing to his right, he dashed back indoors, back into the safety.

Rowan walked back in with him.

"Ok, that was really good! you stepped into the air!" she said, sounding very proud.

"I feel sick, will you sing me soft kitty?" he asked.

"I would if I knew the words." Rowan told him, Sheldon sat down with her and taught her the song. she sang it beautifully, word perfect.

"what if we sang soft kitty whilst walking, maybe it will distract you?" she asked, she needed to get him outside, her SUV was fifteen meters away from the door, it was important he get there.

"We can try but I think our chances are limited" he told her, they stood, again, Rowan took his hand, she picked up there belongings and opened the door,

"Soft kitty warm kitty" they sang, the air had hit them, they carried on,

"Little ball of fur" ten meters to go, his palm was sweaty again, his breaths increased,

"Happy kitty, sleepy kitty" five meters to go, Rowan used her key fob to unlock the car door,

"Purr Purr Purr" they were there, Sheldon was inches away from the door, his pulse was high, his eyes closed, he was white as paper.

"Soft kitty warm kitty, little ball of fur," they sang again, Sheldon getting in the passenger side and closing the door,

"Happy kitty sleepy kitty Purr purr purr" Rowan had put their belongings in the back and climbed in the drivers side, she started the engine, Sheldon looked as if he was going to pass out, she reached over, took off his safety belt and put his head between his legs, telling him to breathe.

She had done this many times with distraught relatives of deceased patients, she needed to get him out of shock.

Rowan handed him two small pills and a bottle of water, she explained that they were diazepam, he knew them as Valium, they would sedate him a little but it would help with the initial recovery process.

Sheldon glanced at her from between his legs, he was in two minds, he wanted to throw up, his brain and body weren't connected, he felt safe in the hospital, he knew all the cleaners and the place was sanitized daily, he was now in the big wide world, full of death, danger and disease.

He took the tablets, he didn't want to but he trusted Rowan, she was a nurse after all and could safely monitor his reaction to the sedative.

"I am going to be really open with you sweetheart, I was diagnosed with OCD five years ago, I was just like you are now, Dr Shore helped me tremendously, he taught me techniques that really work, I know what you're going through, I wouldn't leave my house! It was awful, I can help you but you need to trust me, if something doesn't work we can try different techniques. we can get you through this." she told him, rubbing his moist palm.

The medication had started to take effect, he did look a little zoned out, he was staring out of the window, his head in his hand as they drove to his apartment.

She pulled outside the building, Rowan got out and opened Sheldons door, she stood there for a few moments, allowing him to get used to the warm Californian breeze, he sat there, looking helpless, his eyes were lifeless.

Rowan unstrapped him and helped him to get out of the SUV, holding his hand she closed and locked the vehicle, she opened the door and they walked through.

Walking upstairs they continued to sing his song, he would occasionally forget the words and start over, when they got to his apartment, he was still singing.

she took his key and unlocked the door, they were greeted by his friends, a large banner hung across the kitchen/diner, it read "glad you didn't die" Sheldons friends walked over too him, taking his hand, a blonde woman hugged him, Rowan tried to stop them, she wasn't expecting this, she cursed herself though, she should have been more prepared.

A short dark haired man with thick frames released Sheldon from a hug, Rowan was pleading with them, when the man let go, Sheldon fell to the floor, he was unconscious, Rowan got to her knees, she felt his pulse, he had just blacked out, thank the lord he was still breathing, the blonde girl started screaming,

"It's ok, he will be fine, he just fainted! can someone help me get him to his room?" Rowan asked, a young man called Raj helped her to carry him, his friends followed, they layed him on the bed, Rowan asked the blonde girl called Penny to get her a wet cloth, she was back very quickly, Rowan wiped Sheldons face and finally he came too.

"People mustn't be in my room" he said weakly, still very pale.

"Honey you passed out, it's going to be ok." Rowan told him.

"Can I tell your friends the situation?" she asked, Sheldon looked at the other people in the room, they would all find out anyway, he gave a small nod and fell into sleep, exhausted.

Rowan took the people in the room into the living space, they all took a seat.

"My names Rowan, I'm a nurse at Huntington General, your friend Sheldon has had a breakdown, his psychiatrist Dr Shore believes it to be because of his recent illness, he was too scared to leave, I have been assigned to look after him until he gets better" she told them, her tone was reassuring and soothing, she knew what she was doing.

The man in the glasses raised his hand,

"Hi, my names Leonard, what kind of a breakdown has he had?" he asked,

"Hi Leonard, Sheldon has been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, it is common for triggers to start a chain reaction, in Sheldons case he seems terrified of becoming ill again, he survived a deadly illness but we think he believes he will contract another one." she told him.

"So, what are you gonna do? walk in front of him with Dettol?" Penny asked.

"that seems like a good idea but no, I have been through what he has, there is a way out of it, there are techniques we can use, for example, distraction, to walk out of the hospital and get up these stairs we sang his song 'soft kitty'" Rowan told the group, it seemed they all knew this song and were nodding their heads in agreement.

They all went over some ground rules, don't touch Sheldon, don't cough near Sheldon etc, it seemed that this was all in an agreement Sheldon had established with Leonard in the form of a roommate agreement, Rowan was reading through it, it was very thorough.

Leonard made her some tea and they all chatted about Sheldons routine, she impressed them by being able to recite most of it off hand, they agreed to accept her, she would help Sheldon to overcome this, they just needed to help her too.


	4. Chapter 4

Sheldon awoke the next morning, he was covered in a cold sweat, his memory of last night still playing on his mind. He felt ashamed that his friends knew, they would rather laugh at people than sympathize with them.

Today was Saturday, he needed to get out of bed, there was only fifteen minutes until Dr Who.

Sheldon sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes he put on his slippers and walked into the living room. There on the couch was Rowan, she was sound asleep,

"Rowan" he said in a hushed tone, his voice didn't want to work.

"Rowan" he tried again, a little louder. she didn't wake up. Sheldon walked into the kitchen and picked up a spatula. He walked back to the couch and poked the girl laying on it.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Leonard walking in and observing the scene unfolding before him.

"I don't want to touch her" Sheldon replied, it wasn't so much he didn't want to, he physically couldn't. Back at the hospital he could only hold her hand as he had seen her wash her hands, here in his home he had no evidence that proved she continued effective hygiene techniques.

"You're insane, you cant just poke people with cooking equipment" Leonard replied, snatching away the culinary item, causing Sheldon to jump, luckily Leonard hadn't touched him.

"I'm not insane, they wouldn't let me come home if I was" Sheldon argued.

"They sent you home with a nurse!" Leonard told him, his voice raised.

"I'm going to stay with Penny until you're better, I'll be just across the hall if you need me"

This shocked Sheldon, he thought Leonard was his friend, he needed his support, Sheldon said this to his roommate.

"I am your friend Sheldon but if Rowan is going to be here for the foreseeable future she cant sleep on the couch!"

This arguing awoke Rowan, she had been listening to what was going on, she could see both sides of the argument.

"He has a point Sheldon, and Leonard I can see where Sheldons coming from, he thinks your abandoning him." she said looking at her watch.

"Oh good your awake, please move, Dr Who is about to start" Sheldon demanded, waiting for her to move whilst his cereal congealed.

"You cant treat people like that Sheldon!" Leonard shouted from the kitchen. he had to admit one week without his roommate was good for him, now he was back Leonard couldn't sit back and accept Sheldons behavior.

"It's fine Leonard, really, he is going through a difficult time" Rowan told him, moving to the other side of the couch while Sheldon sat down and Leonard went to his room.

"I need to go to the mall, you have to come with me" Rowan said to Sheldon who was typing away. He turned to his nurse, his face turned white, he couldn't concentrate on his words,

"w wh why d do you need t to g go out?" he stammered, the thought of being in a mall full of people, God knows what is wrong with them,

"It's Saturday, we need to go out and socialize, I need some new clothes, I've been looking forward to this weekend for the last month!" she told him, she knew it was jumping in the deep end, a large crowded area was not the best place for him to be, she was hoping that if they both jump in then the worst part will be over.

"There are approximately 30,000 people living in LA with AIDS or HIV, they are shopping today and you honestly expect me to go with them?" Sheldon told her, he was terrified but he felt he came over as angry.

"Sheldon unless you plan to have unprotected sex with shoppers at the Glendale Galleria you will be fine" she told him.

"Don't be so vile, what if someone with HIV or AIDS has a cut which comes into contact with me, people pee against walls all the time too, what if my satchel touches it!" he asked.

"It can only transmit to you if they are gushing blood and you have a large wound and they mix, and urine cannot transmit these illnesses. If shopping can lead to immunodeficiency syndromes then the government would ban it.

Tell you what, If you can find me ten cases of this happening then we wont go." she suggested.

Rowan knew this fear, she had this fear herself, part of CBT is implementing rational thinking, she had to show him it wasn't going to happen.

Sheldon thought about this hypothesis, she was right he thought, he had a feeling in his stomach, there was also a part of his brain fearing the possible outcomes of coming into contact with others.

"I don't like the idea of going out today" he told her, he didn't want to entertain her idea about the ten examples.

"Sheldon you are 29 years old, when you were young you wouldn't have worried about these sought of things, you have been to the mall hundreds of times before yet you haven't contracted any life threatening illnesses, you have nothing to fear apart from fear itself, I can walk you through it all, you need to work on the compulsion to hide, you cant stay indoors forever." she reasoned, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Sheldon.

"Can I hold your hand?" she asked, Rowan just wanted to comfort him and let him know he wasn't alone.

Sheldon knew she had won, he would have to leave his fortress of solitude and go out into the world. his head fell to his chest, he was resigned. Sheldon nodded his head, he had seen her doing the washing up so he was aware of there cleanliness.

Rowan held his hand with both of hers, she massaged his palm as tears fell down his face.

Sheldon could feel the alcohol gel in his pocket, he had checked his skin for any open wounds, even a scratch, he had a couple on his right arm which Rowan had covered with band aids.

As they left the apartment Sheldon locked the door, he pushed it to make sure it was closed and locked, he checked again, and again, he put all of his weight against it, he remembered the time he was robbed, he wanted to make sure that wouldn't happen again.

Rowan watched Sheldon checking the door, she had now counted thirty, forty, fifty times, he wasn't going to stop without her intervening. Rowan put her hand on his shoulder,

"It's definitely locked honey" she told him reassuringly, she took his hand and they started walking downstairs, Sheldon was humming 'soft kitty' to himself, making sure he and his satchel didn't touch the rails or the walls.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors note: I don't own anything etc etc etc. Most of this story is based on my own experience, I have been through what I'm putting Sheldon and Rowan through, if there is anyone out there with OCD reading this then I sincerely hope this helps you, I am putting across what I have been taught in CBT, it really does help. I just wish I had a nurse to help me like Sheldon does. I hope you enjoy and Please review.

Rowan drove them to the mall, she had a few diazepam in her bag if he needed them, they parked up and headed inside.

Rowan opened the door to the stairwell, inside was a set of elevators, she pressed the button to summon one up to their floor.

Sheldon stood there nervously, he was looking around, there was a bin filled with waste on his right, a woman behind him who was breathing heavily, Rowan to his left and the elevators ahead of him.

The walls to the stairwell were made of brick, it looked like someone had either relieved themselves against it or thrown a drink, it was too difficult to tell.

There were dark stains on the floor, assorted peices of gum that were trodden down into the concrete surrounded by candy wrappers.

The elevator arrived and Rowan joined a man and the woman behind Sheldon accompanied them , Rowan turned around and waited for Sheldon to join her, he stared for a few minutes whilst she held the door so it couldn't close.

"I cant go in there! it is a small metal box powered by an electric motor that pumps hydraulic fluid to maneuver a cylindrical piston up and down a larger container whilst the occupants use that mirror in there to ensure that when there corpse is discovered they look there best. It's a perpendicular death trap!" he argued.

Rowan stood there for a moment with her peers in the 'death trap', they now looked worse than he did, they walked past Rowan and took the stairs, leaving Sheldon in a show down with his nurse.

"Get in." she told him in a demanding tone.

"No!" he protested.

"I'm going to count the three, one, two" she said, holding her fingers up and giving him a look of severity.

Sheldon had heard this technique before, his parents had used it, she was only trying to help, before she could reach three she reached out and pulled him into the elevator, she released the doors and they closed.

Sheldon started hitting the doors, hoping they would open, shouting for help.

Rowan massaged his shoulders, she sang soft kitty, hoping to calm him down. after a few moments Sheldon joined in, his breathing calmed down, he had either relaxed a little or was accepting the idea he may die in a few minutes.

He and Rowan survived the elevator! the doors opened to a large group of angry looking shoppers, they had obviously kept them waiting.

They stepped out and walked past the angry mob, heading towards Macy's department store.

Sheldon was wary of his surroundings, he made sure he didn't touch anyone, this made Rowan think that he would excel at dodge ball. He was dodging shoppers well enough, he treated them as if they were bombs covered in blood, he could see the germs their bodies were harvesting.

"You're gonna be fine" Rowan told him repeatedly, she held his had to ensure he had some comfort.

They headed towards Starbucks and ordered two hot chocolates. they sat near the escalator and watched the shoppers go about there day.

"You're doing really well Sheldon, I'm very proud of you. How do you feel, we've been here half an hour now" she said, very sincerely.

"I am feeling scared, my brain is working very hard to take everything in. I know logically I have very little to fear but my body wont listen to me. It's like locking the apartment, I could see it was locked, I could hear that it was locked and I could feel that it was locked, but my body couldn't stop checking." he told her slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"It's called a compulsion, your brain and body act separately and don't respond to reason. you are doing well, think about it, less than 24 hours ago you couldn't leave the hospital! your doing amazingly honey" she told him, reaching across and taking his hand.

"Why do you keep holding my hand?" he asked

"Because I don't want you to feel so alone. When I was in your situation I felt so alone, it took me a long time to trust people and the need for human contact is so important. you live in a world full of technology that replaces physical interaction. You have your Facebook, Twitter, IM, blogs, email etc, When did you last actually hug someone?" she asked.

"A few years ago, Penny obtained a napkin with Leonard Nimoys DNA on it, I couldn't thank her enough, I just ran up to her and reluctantly hugged her" he explained.

"She sure is a good friend. can I throw something out there?" she asked

"Of coarse" he agreed

"you had no reluctance in touching another humans DNA back then, maybe you could focus on that, when you get worried think about the napkin, it obviously means so much to you" she suggested.

"It's a valid theory" he said, thinking it through.

"You told me yesterday that there are triggers to these breakdowns, correct?" he asked.

"Yes, it can be anything, in your case you survived a deadly disease but you now feel you may not be so lucky, your fear of things like AIDS tell me that your worried about contracting something incurable" she explained.

"Well, I've been watching you, you enter and exit a door only when the second hand on the clock is at exactly a five minute interval, for example, you took a long time doing your shoe laces this morning, you watched your watch the whole time, you started at three minutes past nine and hurried me out of the door at exactly five minutes past nine.

You did this in the hospital too.

You also wash your hands with the gel and soap religiously and I couldn't help but notice you even cleaned the handle of the shopping cart you were pushing around bed bath and beyond." he told her.

She had tried so hard not to show her compulsions, even thought they were there.

"I didn't think it was that obvious" she told him, sounding embarrassed, she was trying to help him, not the other way around.

"All I'm asking is what triggered your OCD?" he he asked, not sure whether or not it was inappropriate.

"I have always been 'quirky' Sheldon, I developed the symptoms shortly after my parents divorced, I hated change and still do, but that was too much, I felt as if I had no control over my own life so I took control over what I could.

It was ten years ago, I was only thirteen, I washed my hands simply because I controlled my hygiene, I enter and exit rooms at certain times again, to get control. I have many compulsions that you haven't seen and most likely never will, I was much worse.

My mum tried to get me to forget about the time compulsion by removing all of the clocks shortly before going on holiday when I was eighteen, she took all of the food out of the house and even removed the phones, it wasn't abuse at all as she really loves me and hoped it would force me to leave, breaking the habit. I was alone in the house and didn't go out for two whole weeks, purely because I had no way to tell the time.

When my mum returned I was on the bathroom floor, dehydrated and starving, I hadn't eaten for the whole two weeks. I couldn't phone for take out as I had not phones to use.

I was taken to the Huntington Hospital where I was treated medically and put on the psychiatric ward, that when I met Dr Shore, he diagnosed me with severe OCD. That was five years ago." she explained.

"He taught me the proper tested ways to battle the OCD and I improved so much, I mean, Look at me now, I am a nurse! I deal with all the things I used to fear so much.

I guess it would be the equivalent of you changing your career to both an elevator inspector and an Aid worker in Africa. I came on in leaps and bounds and so will you, you have done so well already." she told him, Sheldon reached across the table and took her hand, giving Rowan the comfort she deserved.


End file.
